"Without our families, we wouldn't need alcohol."
I read this on a bumper sticker in a grocery store parking lot. My first thought was "Ha, ha!" Then I thought again and realized that there is some truth to this! Many alcoholics and addicts begin drinking or using as a way to cope with things that happen in their families when they're growing up. Continued family stresses become triggers for drinking or using.
Some people think that recovery from addictions is mainly a matter of stopping the addictive behavior (drinking, using drugs, gambling, etc.) and, if necessary, dealing with the physical effects of addiction and withdrawal. In reality, however, much more is required.
If you are an alcoholic or addict who has stopped drinking or using, you probably know what I’m talking about. You may have hoped that your problems would immediately go away, only to realize that you had to change much more than the addictive behavior if you were truly going to change your life.
Sometimes a person lives with an alcoholic or addict, never picking up a drink or a drug herself, but nevertheless ends up behaving the same way. Perhaps you have known someone who grew up with an alcoholic or otherwise addicted parent and who, without realizing it, ended up dating and/or marrying one alcoholic or addict after another.
All of these things happen because addiction is much more than a drink, a drug, or a compulsive behavior. An addiction is a symptom of underlying self-destructive patterns. If those patterns are not identified and changed, stopping the addictive behavior will not help. The alcoholic or addict will continue to act in self-destructive ways and will, most likely, return to his or her addictive behaviors or develop new ones.
I believe that twelve-step recovery fellowships (Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Chemical Dependency Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and others) are an important part of the recovery process. Many people in recovery, though, find that they want or need the support of a therapist, as well. That is where I can help. My therapeutic work with those in recovery addresses:
- Distorted thought patterns
- Self-esteem problems
- Trauma recovery
- “Inner child” issues
- Boundary issues
- Difficulties with trusting others
- People pleasing
- Abandonment issues
- Issues with authority
- Excessive self-criticism or extreme sensitivity to criticism from others
- Buried feelings
- Difficulties with responsibility (over- or under-)
…and more.
My Thursday evening women's counseling group, called "Discovering 'Normal," will be beginning on February 18th, 2010. This group is not only appropriate for women who grew up with alcoholic parents; it is for women who grew up in households where the emphasis was on meeting the needs of one or both parents rather than on meeting the needs of the children. (If you're curious about whether this second group is for you, take an ACoA quiz to find out.)
Click here to make an appointment. You can also call me at 443-458-4221, email me at jennifer@beallpastoralcounseling.com, or fill out a contact form.
645 Baltimore-Annapolis Blvd.
Suite 107
Severna Park, MD 21146
Phone: 443-458-4221
Toll-free: 877-426-9272
Fax: 443-458-0422
info@beallpastoralcounseling.com